Maybe my father is right, maybe I AM a man-hater, I know for damn sure there is one I cannot fucking STAND!:angry WTF I was thinking when I married that man I have no clue, and is it to late to plead temporary insanity?:sad
As everyone who reads this on a regular basis knows I have an ex-husband from hell, also as most know I had to give up the addy to this domain due to disclosure in our upcoming court case, (hence the reasoning behind all the 'fluff' posts lately) so I have absolutely no doubt he will read this post.
Now ask me if I give a shit.
I'm actually counting on it.:rofl
So sit back and hang on, this might get a tad bit longer than what you're used to.
Last year my oldest son was in cub scouts, no problem right?
We would both go to the meetings etc... and I actually had a clue what was going on and would talk to the other parents there (god forbid!!)
He got pissed about this, we had an argument (oh big surprise there) that ended with him saying that he did not want me involved in the boys scouting and that was HIS thing with them, and all that I was trying to do was take it over.
Bullshit
So, I backed down (again nothing new, I did it through 10 ½ years of marriage) and let him have his 'thing' with the kids.
Now this year we have 2 kids in scouts, and he is the one taking them, I keep the youngest while they go do their thing. (and I might add we have a blast by ourselves :smile)
However
For some reason, something I'm supposed to have NOTHING to do with, I'm still expected to pay ½ of their dues and uniforms, I still have to purchase whatever it is they're selling to help support it, (oh yea, right before Christmas I can really afford that, NOT) he keeps nickel and diming me to death on this bullshit that we almost came to blows over last year!:angry:angry:angry
Now tonight, I discover that they have a Xmas parade coming up Saturday, ok, yes I knew about it, however I did not know any details, such as time etc...come to find out they have to have costumes, and he wanted me to make one of them (nice time to tell me this don't you think? 2 days beforehand) he had also already decided that they would not be in it, ok fine, then he tries to put the blame off on me in front of the kids, saying that he had to work and since I've had this job that I've never taken a day off for anything, (like I can fucking afford to with all he keeps taping me for!) then it happened, the other shoe dropped, I have been braced for it for some time now considering how nice he had been lately (guess he needed help with the god damn popcorn sales or something) but he just HAD to throw my vacation in there, telling the boys that I had one coming up and 'mamma should be able to spend time with you then, but she's going out of town'
So I told them yes, we were going to their grandma's the first weekend then I would be going out of town, they would be in school at that time, and reminded them that I was allowed to have a life. To which he said 'yes and if she doesn't want to share it with you...' and left it at that.
That is complete and absolute BULLSHIT!!
If I didn't want that I wouldn't be fighting so damn hard right now, I wouldn't be working my ass off to get somewhere further than I am right now, but for gods sake I'm allowed to have a little time for ME, just because I go out of town for a week does not make me a bad mother, now if I was going and wasn't sure my kids would be properly cared for then yes, that would make me a bad mother, but I know better than that, I know they will be well taken care of.
Now, as for how much time I spend with them, I spend every moment I can get with them, I pick them up from school, because that horrible job the he keeps ragging on allows me the schedule to be able to do that! Help them with homework, and listen to them tell me on a regular basis 'you're the best mommy that ever lived'
Oh yes I'm sure they just think I'm horrible (rolling eyes)
It's true, if they don't want to come over here I don't force the issue, I don't try to bribe or guilt them into doing so, I am secure in my children's love for me...which makes me wonder what is going through your head when you do those things...:blush
Great post...
You hit the nail on the head with "I don't try to bribe or guilt them into doing so, I am secure in my children's love for me...which makes me wonder what is going through your head when you do those things..."
The only thing you can do more than hate a person is to pity them...
And this part has me wondering: "To which he said 'yes and if she doesn't want to share it with you...' and left it at that."
I guess he's actually saying he WANTS you to share this part of your life with your children. Hmmm... very interesting. You can't belittle a person for not doing something and then claim they're wrong for doing it without contradicting yourself.
You left out the part of spending every afternoon reading with your kids, feeding them, getting them ready for bed and tucking them in and on nights that you don't have them, that they call you several times in the evening to make sure you are okay and to just say they love you. Yes sounds like a sure dead ringer of a bad mother *rolling eyes*. You summed it up best with BULLSHIT.
Jr is such a fuckin' moron and hates the fact those boys adore their mother and sees the unconditional love that is expressed ever second of ever day between you and your boys and he does not that have gift as he only bribes, threatens and critizes.
I swear I don't know how you did it for so long staying with that control freak.
I'm just happy that you are out of that situation as much as possible and at least now happy!!!
Don't ever forget the fact that your kids are not stupid. They will see right through him. They know who'd there for them. It may not happen right away but it will happen. If he thinks it won't he's going to be a lonely old man - which, franly, I think he deserves to be.
T... the best part of this is that you KNOW you're a good mother. ANY parent that would say those things to a kid (whether the comments are true or not) does NOT have that kid's best interest at heart.
I've never met the man, but he stinks of resentment. I think he feels humiliated, thinking that people will think there was something wrong with HIM and that's what's caused the change of direction your life has taken. I've hesitated typing that line because I can't find the right words at this moment to say it in a politically correct way. Because he sees your life as "wrong", he can't see past the nose on his face. I read a statment before, and I might have even put it here in reference to one of your posts, but I'll do it again because it is so poignant... "If a child can't look up to his father, he'll never be able to look up to any man because he'll never have a frame of reference to what a "good" man is". I don't entirely agree with the statement, but I do agree with the sentiment... every child needs a good female AND male role model in their life, otherwise they have nothing to aspire to. Your children will compensate, because you're teaching them patience, love and virtue through your own daily life. They will have Lori, too... so they can see how a loving relationship operates, and will know that it's not about putting eachother down and discovering who's at fault.
Hold your head up high! No matter how tough this battle is, know that your kids love you and know exactly how much you love them... in spite of that pig's pitiful (and obvious) attempts to sway their opinion.
BlueWolf darling-you know what I want to say [here] *s*
Jamie-I have no clue myself...
Shelagh-truer words were never spoken, I do hope when they're older they understand better, right now I'm not sure :-(
Kristi-if you had tried to be 'politically correct' I would have bopped you one!
and I agree with you, I completely think that's what he thinks, the sad thing is the type of 'home' we had our children in, was the same kind he was raised in...
Hang in there, kiddo!
He truly suck. The kids are lucky to have you.
{{{{{ RE }}}}}
Missed you - hang in there!