Sit back grab a :cocktail on the house or stop reading now....either way I care not....but some things have to be addressed.
I am who I am ~ I make no excuses or allowances about my personailty, nor will I allow anyone make me feel I have to apologize for who I am. I'm a very complicated person, I've always known that, my poor husband knows that better than anyone, but the two people who know it best are my parents. I have many friends who's insight I rely on to point out things that those who are so close to me are not afraid to point out or choose not to point out, and then I have some friends or as my daddy calls them "fair weather friends" whom are all to eager to point out my discrepancies *however you spell it* in life. Yet note some of my best friends have no problem telling me I'm wrong and they are usually right..and I do listen.
No longer will I complain about others comments about me or their view points of me, my family, or my character. I have been held captive in the hell of what people have thought about me most my life, and as much as I have gained control of my life, I have allowed people online to do that I no longer allow people in REAL life to do to me.
It appears that I have swaped worlds, as far as verbal abuise is concerned. I don't know why I allow it, maybe because I hear, , or I hear, evaluate and inturpe in myself "you are a better person than them and TRY to ignore it", or that I just ignore it in hopes it goes away. Actually, it dosn't matter the reason I've allowed it to affect me and I no longer will allow it to affect me personally, privately, or any other mannerism *however you spell it*.
There comes a time in everyone's life where indifference is one's best weapon. Indifference meaning ~ screw the world you are who you are ~ accept your faults, your strong suits and more importantly EMBRACE those who see your faults and love you beside the fact.
I'm now taking on that embrace.........if I become the devils worse spawn even seperated from the devil in one's blog.........*shrugs* so be it.......life at least my life will move on....
I lived with much anger in my life for years after my divorce, you would have thought I would have learned from that to accept people for what they are instead of taking personal their opinions to which in at the end of the day "don't matter". Yet, I did in some areas, but in other's I didn't. Now I'm learning, slowly, but learning..........and what I've learned.......I'm tired of being the whipping block.....some one's bitch mode to the worse of degrees publicly......my life is exactly that MY life......I make no excuses or allowances....it is MY life. And for someone to begin chipping away at what has taken me years to build up in trust towards others, if "I" allow it I have no one but myself to blame and I NO longer will allow it.......
Will some things if gotten back to me affect me? I'm human OF COURSE THEY WILL, but I have enough faith in myself, my friends and my family, that I'll weather through that storm and in the end "I'll" be stronger, my friendships will be strong, and my family will be stronger without those people who live in glass houses surrounding us.......
Have I ever told a lie? HELL YES!!! Have I ever told a lie that was hurtful and vengeful HELL YES!!! AM I RIGHT? HELL NO.....will I apologize NO MORE!!!!
Call me Sybil, call me a bitch, just plain dislike me or like me.........I no longer care, those who KNOW ME not only like me but love me and my family. I have many different personas *again however you spell it*..........my online life is not what I'm about, it is just a small portion of my life, a form of entertainment as well as relief from things that may be going on in my life.
My personal life is EXACTLY THAT.......MY personal life........I don't share my financial situations with anyone, my sexual or lack of sexual preferences with anyone, except in fun, and I surely will no longer make excuses for issues that happen in real life that trickle onto the net.
I am who I am and I no longer will allow anyone else to hold me captive for my positive points, my faults, or anything else. I NOW take control of my life. From here on out, issues of this nature will NO longer be allowed for discussion on my blog nor will I allow comments on this post.
I'm taking a hard core look into my life, my family, and my friendships, I'm standing up for myself, and it has been a hard long road for me, but I'm learning to trust people again. The people I trust are the core of me because that is something I do not freely give and they know it.......they do not always agree with me, true friends never do agree on everything, nor family for that matter, but the love and RESPECT is always there. I'm now DEMANDING respect and in turn I'll freely return the respect if actions call for it.
I've apologized to people for actions I don't feel I was completely wrong in, I"ve beaten myself up about it as I've allowed them to beat me up about it and I NO LONGER WILL BE SOMEONE'S whipping board so they feel better about themselves.
I OWN my own feelings, thoughts, religion, family and friends. Okay I don't OWN my family and friends, but surely you understand the concept. I do however OWN how I'll allow them to make me feel from now on and from now on I stand in my own space ~ speak my own mind ~ and protect what I feel needs to be protected and right now I need to protect me!!!
AGAIN I'll state, no comments are allowed on this post so don't even try......thank you for listening to me vent.........enjoy the rest of my post from here on out....
I got this from ONE of my dear friends tonight......this pretty much sums it all up in a nut shell....
He Held You
You are the nucleus and the fire in His eyes from the beginning of time,
So much so that He decided to speak your existence from the power of His lips, as He exhaled you gently into your mother’s womb.
He watched out for you,
So much so that He charged a legion of angles to guard your rest against the midnight storm that come to so often to vibrate the four towers of your bedroom wall.
He raised you,
Raised you like no one else, for He protected your identity from being tainted and bruised, too late I say, for He has already opened His mouth, and said “It is finished” for behold He looked upon you and said, “It is good”,
So much so that every now and then He requests that you and He be alone,
And though to you, you may misunderstand, and think it strange to find that around you though populated with people,
Yet you are affixed with Him,
like an eagle that solemnly soars in the sky, at times you may stand-alone.
Your life is a mere exhale of His breath from the dawn of time.
To Him you stand with your identity sure, a son, a daughter of the most High God.
Marvelous in His eyes.
Written by: Savaslas Lofton
