A Ballad~

I'm in a mood, hense why I haven't posted, however, a long time friend of mine trying to cheer me up sent me something from way back when, that I still can find humor in even when in a mood :smile.

So since I don't care to discuss my mood I'll share what she sent :biggrin

The Ballad Of The Bobbit Hillbillies
(sing to the tune of the "The Beverly Hillbillies")

Come and listen to my story of a man named John.
A poor ex-marine with a little fraction gone.
It seems one night after gettin' with the wife,
She lopped off his schlong with the swipe of a knife.

(Penis, that is)
(Clean cut, missed his nuts)

Well, the next thing you know there's a ginsu by his side,
And Lorena's in the car takin' willie for a ride.
She soon got tired of her purple-headed friend,
And tossed him out the window as she rounded a bend.

(Curve, that is)
(Pricker shrubs, wheel hubs)

She went to the cops and confessed to the attack,
And they called out the hounds just to get his weenie back.
They sniffed and they barked and they pointed 'over there',
To John Wayne's Henry that was waving in the air.

(Found, that is)
(By a fence, evidence)

Now Peter and John couldn't stay apart too long,
So a dick doc said, 'Hey, I can fix you dong!'
"A needle and a thread is all you're gonna need,"
And the whole world waited 'till they heard that Johnny peed.

(Whizzed, that is)
(Even seam, straight stream)

Well, he healed and he hardened and he took his case to court.
With a cockeyed lawyer since his assets came up short.
They cleared her of assult and acquited him of rape.
And his pecker was the only one they didn't show on tape.

(Video, that is)
(Unexposed, case closed)

At least I found a chuckle in the bad mood I'm in these days :smile ~ however she did offer to write something along these lines about a kiwi so you men who are holding themselves going "ouch" :biggrin ~ okay I"ll refrain my comment :smile.

Nite all ~