I had the most uplifting, thought provoking conversation over a joint friendship...........Ran thank you!!! Many whom may or may not read this will find this just to far out there for words, but she and I after the anger had subsided, came together.
What I've learned in one long conversation during a very difficult time for Ran herself..........again Thank you Ran for your time and I'm sorry about the length of the time.....read further if you dare.......as I know T this is now forever written in stone and on the internet NON THE LESS!!!
Ran brought out that although my intention is good, my approach is VERY VERY BAD!!!! She is right!!!!
Since I was three years old, my grandpa always called me the Queen Bee. To some degree it has been a family joke, however, I allowed it to come online and never explained to other's. Hence has become a target where people might see my actions that I think of myself better than other's, Queen like material and the like. For those who know me well know that is so wrong, yet I'm guilty of allowing the "perception" to be believed that is what I thought of myself.
*clears throat* stands before a crowd of strangers and states ~ *
My name is Jet and I'm a spoiled individual, I can be cold hearted and self searving, judgemental and a hard person to call friend. Yet, somehow I have managed to have the best friends for life and for them I want to become a friend they can be proud to call friend!!!
How is that for the begining of a 12 step program?? :biggrin
What do I think of myself? Okay first and honest, I am no better than anyone else, I've made mistakes, life changing mistakes ~ I'm hardened, guarded and very hard to get to know the "real me". How can I let other's know the "real me" if I myself don't know who I am? What I do know is I'm a wife and a mother. Yet, through all of my time on this little box and my "pulpit" status here is what very few if any understand.......
What I have never been able to do, be it a personal decision, or be it no back bone ability, I have never stood on my own two feet and allow a family member to take custody for a week, two weeks or longer of one or both of my children to find "MYSELF". That takes courage, strength and an ability of love that I'm just not capable of showing. So what I have I translated into?
A "preacher" ~ scary isn't it ~ at least by the best preacher I've ever know I still never learned the greatest ability ~ of being able to state how I feel without preaching!!!
Yet, through a phone call, Ran was able to get me to see what many have been trying for years to see. Maybe I was ready to hear, maybe I wasn't, but regardless how I came to this I'm there........and she was right!!! And all over something I was doing for T and M for their wedding day.........
I just wanted to post this as a Thank you to Ran mostly, but also to Teresa for never losing faith in me!!! However, being the devious person I am, you are just going to have to wait for your last and final present from me to you and M.
Regardless of your life choices everyone just please BE HAPPY!!!
Hmmm ... very well written and very much needed. I think alot was gained by the conversation last night. I am glad I finally answered the phone and at least attempted to act like a grown up and listen for once. Jaime I am pretty much guilty of the same things you are, hell we all are, but at least you keep trying and that is more than most of us do.
Everything will work out as it is supposed to do.
Thanks again.
:-X
ok, I'm glad to see you two are talking, and that M is not going to be a widow before she's my wife...LOL
I just want to know what the hell she said that make you come to this realization, that someone who's known you for 6 years didn't!
*ducking and running*