Friday, September 30th, 2005 and hits!!! I get home, in such a good mood, check the mail, find yet more letters scouting Q17, continue flipping and stop COLD in my tracks!!! A letter from the home I was adopted!!! This can not be good for me since the last contact was back in 2001!! I rip it open and begin to read.........my biological mother passed away in 2002, at least they BELIEVE it is my biological mother!!! They inform me if this was the wrong form of contact they appoligise, however they are in the mist of search to confirm this informaton.
Once I'm able to breath again, I run towards the house to make a phone call!!!
The drama continues if you dare continue to read ~
I find the number to the home and call, as my luck would have it, the person I need to speek too is NOT THERE!!!!! Will not be back in till Monday a.m. (this a.m.) so I ask to be put into voice mail, leave a message, and begin my amature search on the internet!
Side note: Netdetective.com is a scam!!! And Ancesory.com NO HELP!!! Yes I paid for both items and found out the hard way and in the process of canceling to obtain my money back!!!
So I'm forced to wait until this a.m. (Monday, October 3, 2005) to get ANY answers!!! The lady calls me first thing, which I'm informed the person whom I had been dealing with for years had left the agency. They were doing an audit of individuals whom had contacted the home and following up. (Lucky me right) So while on the phone I asked her, "did you not read the only contact I made was to obtain medical history and NO contact with the biological family requested on BOTH parties?" She informed me yes she knew that much, but didn't investigate the file with a fine tooth comb as she probably should had. Me laying in bed with a miagrane from hell states in plain tone, "YA THINK"?
So I inform her with my limited knowledge and my limited knowledge apparently can confirm the newspaper article listing her death in late 2002. So my interest is more than a "bit" peeked, because I want to know if the death was self induced, accidential, or medical. If medical I have deep concerns due to my own medical issues still going on.
So in quick summary of my issue and what I need advise about..........finding out the cause of death is not so simple when adopted!! If only to obtain a death certificate you have to fill out tons of paperwork and on this issue the next of kin is notified of anyone looking for the death certificate and in my case my biological sister (whom last I heard thought I was dead) would be notified. This is not good!!!
My other option is to write a letter like I had to do for my biological mother, explain my intent on this invasion in my life and hope for the best to non other than my biological sister, which is another story in itself!!!
However, in my efforts to try and simplify my life, I called my brother who just happens to be a private investagator. Explained the situation and asked for his help. He informed me, that if he lived in that area, he could easily find out what I'm looking for, however he lives in the south and not possible, without hoop jumping issues. Then he reminded me of something that happened about the time in question of my biological mother's death and after the home making contact with her.
My grandmother and my brother started receiving strange phone calls during that time frame of some woman looking for me. Once I found out I contacted the home and they assured me it was not my biological mother. Yet, my brother pointed out to me that maybe it was my biological mother trying to reach me and inform me she was dying OR it was my biological sister who found out about me after the passing of her mother trying to reach me to make contact.
So now the tables of faith have changed on me..................ADVISE IS NEEDED!!!! I'll read and mull over and will inform what I decided to do................
Thanks for your help!
Jamie
ok, I'll be back to give advice when my brain wakes up and wraps around this...
ok, if I'm reading this correctly...you want to know the reason your bio mother passed away. they have to contact your bio sister (who you were told was dead) in order to do that?
and you're not sure if she'll agree for you to have the information? or you're afraid that she'll want further contact with you (or not)
with all you're going through, I would say yes, for you to try and obtain the information about what happened...maybe it would give you a starting point anyway, if nothing else.
as for the rest...things turn out like they're supposed to is all I know...
and of course, if I'm totally wrong in my assumptions, I'm sure you'll clairify for me! LOL
The SISTER, at least to my knowledge or at least I was told in 2000, thinks I'm dead. Not me thinking she is dead!
Ok, we've talked about this over and over and while I totally respect your decision to not want anything to do with them, I think the curiosity would have killed me long ago. I mean, you had a great life with parents who love you unconditionally and you know that, not matter what it is you do they will always love you and support you... even if they bitch a little in the process (like all parents).
So I guess that I'm having trouble deciding on any advice because I can't grasp not wanting to meet them.
Please, PLEASE know that I am not putting you down for your choice. I totally respect it and will support you 100% and help in any way I can. I think we've gotten our friendship to a point where we can agree to disagree and move on.
So here's what I think: Don't plan too far ahead. Outline what your goals are regarding them and then plan each step you take, but only plan the next step after you totally take in the current situation. Does that make any sense at all? LOL I mean, it's 2am... I'll call you tomorrow some time after I get home from the surgery.
Don't worry about all this stuff right now. Like T said, everything will work out the way it's supposed to. Every time.
I updated! Forwarn...Its alot...
See you soon!