Recently in Soapbox Category

:angry Our team has a new pitching assistant coach this year, he was built up to be some great coach over the summer, along with him coming he was also providing our team with a "stud" of a baseball player. Primarily a pitcher who just ROCKS!!! Yes, they are father and son and the son being a senior! They were brought up from the valley area, where most talented kids don't get much attention from scouts and the like. No big deal at the time, the team seemed really excited about having the senior on the team and over the summer he seemed to be fitting in wonderfully with the boys. Since they primarily hung out over here I was able to watch the bonding of the team and the excitement of the team building chomping at the bit to hit the field together. I also saw the demise of the team being to form early during the scrimage games.

To give credit where credit is do, I kept my mouth shut, (yes I know don't faint) as I don't know much about baseball and even less about coaching. However I DO know my boys!!! I refrained from forming an opinion of any sort until I was at the games and was able to see if what the boys were talking about was really happening, or if they had issues with the senior and wanted to point blame other than themselves. I figured that was in the parent handbook of being a responsible parent :smile.

Well I have missed two games, tonight making the second game I missed. Which from what I have heard it is a very good thing I wasn't there or else I would have gone postal!!! If Speedbump was about ready to ripe a coachs head off and shit down his throat and he is the calm one in the bunch, we can just all imagine what I would have done :angry!!!

Anyhoot, it has been a long going process, however, let me explain what has been happening.

I Guess The Latest Test I Took

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I under-rated some of the answers ~ I guess I'm more high maintenance as it says I am!!!

If I had a mood indicator right now it would show ~ :FINGERboid

Yes I have had a week from HELL!!!! Actually I think if I would agreeded on Monday to sell my soul to the devil ~ I would have won the lottery this weekend.....but I declined!!! Am I the only one who needs a :cocktail??????????

Read further if you DARE!!!!!!!!!!! It will be a long post and a lot of emotion!!!

The Fear Of The Great Unknown

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Yeah, I'm there BIG TIME, however before I go to the heart of my post I want to just say a few things to SPAMERS!!!

I don't need a penis enlargement, if I'm looking for a boob job I'll invest after much research *NOT ON THE WEB* for a doctor; if I want to watch porn leaving a message on my site will not lead me to your site, if I want loans, advice, horoscope and to obtain a gay relationship.............I don't need your spam on my blog to find it.........so as a request, polite request FOR NOW GO THE HELL AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've been MIA from here for months actually and have obtained more mail only via spam than I have ever received when this site was active!!! Sorry had to bitch just my mood..........now to the post!!!!

Testing Of Friendships

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Okay, I just don't get it, call me Blondie call me stupid, but why does anyone want to test people's "friendships"?

Especially a person with "trust" issues from the beginning????????????

Ever Just Had One Of Those Days

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Where placing a choke hold on someone or going nothing short of postal on someone or many different individuals could just make your day? :errrr

If so you will so relate to this post, if not, well stop reading NOW ~ :smile

You have been warned ahead of time ~ old James is on a rant!!

Something That Just Amazes Me!

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Well let me see if I can give this chosen topic the Justice it deserves, that in itself is going to be a task :smile.

Can someone explain something to me??? Why is it that movies have to have all the gore and sex to feel like they've made a great film when the story line is no better than a porn flick really, however, when someone makes a movie of substance and conviction it is ridiculed to such a degree that is just down right sickening!!

What am I talking about?? The movie "The Passion Of Christ". In case you've been living under a rock, it is a movie about the last twelve hours of Christ.

On My Soap Box

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Sit back grab a :cocktail and if you are really interested in reading about my soap box right now then read further ~ if not enjoy your one and only :cocktail

My soapbox is about "single mother's and their "significant other's" that flow through a child's life".

Clarification Is OBVIOUSLY Needed

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I was over at T-Bone's today reading his thoughts on items written that wind up in archieves and never read ~ well T-Bone today that theory was proven wrong :smile. Since I got an interesting email on a post I made on April 4th, 2003.

Now first let me state up front and personal this is not a "bashing" post ~ it is a post to address some issues brought up in an email I received today which by nature I'm assuming it was not meant as a personal attack on me, however, some things were stated in the email that I felt were a personal attack on me as an individual.

Read more if you care too:

A Brief Day In The Life

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Around Jet's and Speedbump's house - obviously I've already posted about a brief time frame of my dogs - now to the actual living and breathing day in our life here latey -

Again - if interested keep reading - if not thanks for your brief visit!!!

Mis Representation Of One's Self ~

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Talk about really chapping my hide!!! This issue strikes a nerve with me!!! Why you ask??? Well in a nut shell because I'm accused of doing that by the "lesser" indivduals in my life........

Brace Yourself ~ On My Soap Box ~

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In reading the news today I ran across this article. I'll try not to get completely out of control here, however, :wtf?

Maybe It Is Just Me ~

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But can someone tell me HOW in such high levels of heat that this state of Texas endures EVERY YEAR ~ but I appropriately call it HELL ~ can people actually leave their children in the cars locked up??

I was reading over at Buffy's blog one day last week about a list of things men don't have to worry about and can not recall if PMS'ing was on the list. If not it should be!!!

Obviously you've guessed by now what I'm doing this week and of course I know even better how happy you are I have shared this tid bit of hell I'm living this week :smile.

My normal 4 days of week is hell on everyone else that knows me because I basically hate everything, everyone for no rhyme or reason. However, this month, to go along with my 4 days of contempt on life and humans I've managed to be plequed with depression.

Why on earth did my cycle have to run head and head with my already depressing week?

Baseball ~ you the know the sport that men try and hit balls around a field ~ hell if it requires hitting balls I have a few I have no doubt I could hit some home runs with rather they enjoy it or not right now.

As you have listened to me bitch about through the summer is baseball, however, my dearly beloved hubby :angry, announced tonight he has been keeping something from me. Now mind you, he didn't actually informing me of such events, MY FUCKIN" NEIGHBOR DID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah life in my house tonight has not been pleasent.

As I'm sure most of you are currently aware, Speed and Q14, are leaving Friday for a week long of blistful retreat in their enviornment of non stop baseball. Little Ms. Prissy and I are staying at home tending to the dogs and "girly" stuff. I've resigned myelf to this and with little bitching on the home front. *KEY NOTE: as long as I get my Toby Keith tickets with backstage passes ~ all is right with the world!!!*

Let me take us all back in time to Sunday nite: a bit of a conversation that transpired between Speed and myself:

Speed: Sweetie, come to bed, we need to talk

Me: What

Speed: Ummm, we need to discuss this weeks events

Me: I know this weeks events ~ you leave Friday

Speed: No baby, come here

Me: WHAT?

Speed: Well honey, the Lebo's *the team leaving Friday for St. Louis* are having practice Monday and the Rebel's *the team for the upcoming high school team he'll be playing on* have a game Tuesday.

Me: Yeah and ~ I work Tuesday so you won't be coaching as you'll have Little Ms. Prissy.

Speed: Well I just wanted to keep you updated on the events of the week

Me: Thank you sweets but just as long as you give Little Ms. Prissy the same amount of "quality" time as you do Q14 since you'll be gone for a week I'm okay with it ~ I knew this was coming.

Well then TONIGHT HIT :angry

I walk outside to spend time with hubby, as he complains I never do this, only to walk up on THIS conversation:

Neighbor: I have free tickets Thursday nite to the Rangers game Q14 would you like to go

Speed: Well I'm sure he'd love too but it depends on the outcome of the tournament he is in this week

Me: WHAT FU**** TOURNAMENT!!!

All parties outside our house turn and look at me and all become meek individuals..

Hubby: Ummm honey, you knew they were playing tomorrow nite

Me: very very :angry look YEAH AND!!!!!! WHAT TOURNATMENT DEARY ~

Hubby: Well if they win tomorrow nite they proceed onto the Pony League finals which wind up in Florida, BUT the league pays for everything

Me: YEAH AND YOU WERE GOING TO TELL ME THIS WHEN EXACTLY

Hubby: *giving stern look* the dead can hear you right now shut up

Me: Good because the dead is the only thing going to save your happy*many unmentionable words about now* ass right now................WHAT TOURNAMENT.........SINCE WHEN FLORIDA..........AND WTF WERE YOU THINKING?

Silence filled the neighborhood ~ I've never seen so many men run towards the safety of their non screaming wives in my life!!!! Tonight I pretty much partied the red sea and then some!!!! PISSED is an understatement!!!!!

So Speed comes inside to talk this through with me ~ if you are thinking this should be good ~ HA you are right!!! Conversation is as follows:

Speed: Honey, you knew when we took on Q14 playing in these two teams, some sacrifices were going to have to be made

Me: Do you have a fuckin' mouse in your pocket? Last time I checked there was no WE in this whole since fuckin' April two teamed decision.............you just informed me "honey, it is nothing to worry about, we can handle this, one team has large advantages and the other is a new team they'll go no where and be done by the time he gets out of school"

Speed: Well I miss spoke

Me: REALLY YEAH THINK!!!! Where is your RICE EDUCATION NOW ~ muttering you misspoke yeah baby you are catching on right now!!!

Speed: Well if we wind up in Florida the team pays for everything, not like fund rasising for the St. Louis trip and it is a no brainer you'd be going sweetie

Me: Well gezz baby for the invite because NEWS FLASH ~ not ONLY am I going, but I'll not attend a game and I'll damn SURE NOT be taking Little Ms. Prissy Princess. For when the games are done, you'll be picking her up at my mother's and my ass will be long gone in sea BY MYSELF to forgien lands.

Me: Why didn't you tell me this week was a tournament and what about Little Ms. Prissy, she understands it less than I do?

Speed: I knew you'd react this way so I decided to not tell you until I KNEW if they'd win and as far as Little Ms. Prissy Princess I'll take her with me..........

Me: you're damn straight you will!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And gezz thanks I'm more upset NOT knowing and finding out from our NEIGHBORS...........

Speed: You'd actually go on a cruise without me?

Me: *shocked look* well YEAH!!!! And great way to change the subject, remember this!!!

Speed: I always thought we'd take your first cruise together *aka he has been on a cruise before*

Me: Well so did I until YOU decided it was better fit that I work nights you weren't involved in baseball and baseball traveling was involved.......welcome to MY vacation and YOUR HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Speed: Well what about Toby Keith tickets.....

Me: Can I go back stage and I sleep with him

Speed: HELL NO

Me: then I'm going on a cruise..........:biggrin

conversation abruptly ends...........but with :wtf on both ends.................can anyone hear me scream I HATE BASEBALL???????????????????????????????????????????

DID YOU TAKE A CLASS ON HOW TO PISS ME OFF?

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For my weekend celebration ~ but I guess I'm no spring chicken any longer :let_it_all_out. It started Thursady actually all day ~ about mid morning I felt something pull, so I thought, which doubled me over for the whole day. I finally called Speedbump at work crying telling him GET HOME NOW!!!!

I hate doctor's or at least having to go and visit them ~ so me going to a doctor is never an option, but when I'm begging to go to the doctor, everyone knows something is wrong. By about 2/3 a.m. I was begging to have a doctor I was in so much pain an agony. Somehow I managed to fall asleep, maybe passed out from pain, who knows.

I was awaken this morning by my parents calling ~ now can anyone tell me how one's mother can tell something is dead wrong over a phone line? I answered and she said hello you sound like crap what's wrong? I told her nothing I wasn't feeling well was all ~ I got the whole motherly lecture DON'T LIE TO ME something more than "not feeling well is wrong".....so much to the point she called Speedbump at work. Yes, people I was determined I was going to celebrate my birthday in style and sent Speedbump to work.

It didn't last long, he came home around lunch time, I went to the doctor only to be told two things ~ one a compliment :biggrin the doctor said that my chart stated I had two kids, I told her yes, she said you obviously didn't have them, I laughed and said no no I definately had them, she shook her head and said lucky woman, not one streatch mark on your body, you make women sick.....:biggrin then she dumped the other news on me ~ "you are taking your non stretched marked butt to the emergency room ~ one of three things ~ kidney stones, appendicis *however you spell it*, or a tumor in your kidney. "

Speedbump and I made arrangements for the kids, since we are baseball packed AGAIN this weekend, and little Ms. Prissy Princess I would probably have strangled in an emergency room. So his mom came and picked her up for the night and off we went to spend my whole night in the emergency room.

Good news is ~ so far I'm out of the woods about appendics ~ however something has ruptured according to the cat scan. It appears, as the second doctor stated, to be a ruptured Ovarian Cyst but he can not determine that completely. I'm to make an appointment with my OBGYN Monday and have her check me out.

Speedbump, doing the best he can to put me in a better mood, took me to Carraba's *again however you spell it*, it is an Italian Grill to die for!!! I love that resturant ~ he and I both knew things were still not right when I could barely eat my food and wound up with a take out bag almost completely full, minus a few bites I was able to eat.

So in summary, one of two things on my actual birthday will be happening, I'll be in absolute misery OR I'll be flying so high on these painkillers I won't care :smile. So wish me luck as I don't do doctor's/visit/test etc and being forced to do so now.

But on a happier note, I've gotten some really great birthday wishes from my friends, go check out Buffy's blog with her birthday wishes to me and even received an early birthday present from one of my friends in California. She sent me the Eagles "Hell Freezes Over" tour DVD and my friend in England called the other day to wish me a happy birthday early as well ~ so not all has been a bust :smile.

Well I'm off to bed ~ everyone have a great weekend!!!

On My Soap Box ~

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Hubby and I are at odds about this issue to some degree ~ however ~ since I didn't have anything to post as I figured I'd give you all a sexual break :smile ~ never fear I have more to come :biggrin.

State wide testing ~ :angry!!! I was actually watching the news today when I heard the Superintendent of "our" school district make a statement. VERY :angry. The testing, since they changed the test this year, did not go well and the teachers were not able to obtain raises. :wtf?????????????????????????

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't schooling about TEACHING our children an EDUCATION????? NOT teaching them a "test" so they can obtain raises, federal funding etc etc???????????

If one wants to know what a teacher IS or ISN'T doing ~ why not make the PRINCIPAL responsible of THEIR school??????????? Are principle's now being paid to sweep things under the rug, bring in the higher pay than their actual educational co-workers, a principle is or at least SHOULD BE responsible for the COMPLETE outcome of the WHOLE school ~ however ~ CHILDREN'S EDUCATION comes frist. Jimmy Crickets!!!!

Not let me teach you what this test calls for so "I" can get a raise!!! You ask why do I have my panties in a wad about all this ~ the Superintendent of the school in question that my Q14 goes too and unless I decide upon private school for Ms. Prissy Princess ~ wants to make it a requirement if you flunk the 'state' test you FLUNK the WHOLE GRADE!!!!

This mama DON'T think so!!!! What about those children when the word TEST is mention they automatically frezze?????????????? I was one of those kids yet I still managed to be one of the top of my class ~ okay I lost the whole "spelling aspect" of my learning but still ~ regardless of those who swear I never left the 8th grade, but that is another story!!! :smile

Where hubby and I disagree is his view is ~ well how do we know that the teacher's are doing their job? Ligitimate question ~ so I asked him ~ how does your boss know you're doing YOUR JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do you have to endure a test as the the be all end of of your job???????????????????????? He couldn't answer ~ which hello he knew I was right!!!

Now know first and foremost, I can brain fuck any situation to death!!!! Doing a large bit of brain fucking of a situation right now in my life but for some reason can bring that dead horse back to life!!! :smile.........

This situation however pisses me off ~ what happened to teaching our children an education? GGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Before I sign off I'll quote my mama ~ after she listened to me rant and rave about this ~before I post her quote a little history on my mama ~ she is a school teacher of 30 plus years ~ retired and returned after my move to Texas ~ couldn't bear an "empty house" her words not mine ~ her quote was this ~

"Schools are not what they use to be ~ I'd rather take a lower pay and know I'm educating a child than obtain a higher pay salary knowing they left my class learning nothing other than a test"

Kudoz mom!!!!! No wonder she is one of my idiols!!!!

My soap box is over until I have something else I'll mind fuck to death I'm willing to share ~

Footnote however ~ hubby has computer up and running and he is searching for something to post!!!! Can't promise he'll post tonight but if he does run over and see what he has to say ~ I'm afraid :smile ~ if you don't know his website look at my reads his blog name is "Speedbump"

Nite all ~

MIRROR MIRROR ON THE WALL ~ I'M LIKE MY MOTHER AFTER ALL

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The Joys Of Summer ~

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Let's try this one again ~ since I've manage to delete my entry I posted a bit ago :angry. Don't know why I was suprised seems to be on the same wave as my day is going.

My joys of summer seem to have faded into the summer of hell and we are just getting started WHIPPY ~ kids fighting from the time they open their eyes and even after they close their eyes as they talk in their sleep. My house has been nominated the teenage hangout for the summer and my son thinks it is really a cool thing to talk back to me and show attitude. He found out quickly not one of his smartest moves!!!! I have no doubt my electric bill has increased at least another 100 just from the amount of times the refrigerator and freezer seem to be opened in a days time from the never ending eating pits I call children!!! :angry.

Calgon does not produce enough bubble bath or anything stronger to take me away ~ joy joy joy ~ anyways now that I have that out of my system :smile.

I was watching TV and heard about this person who tried out for cheerleading and didn't make it so she is suing the coach *shaking head* ~ you have GOT to be kidding me!!!! No wonder cases that have creditability can never get heard because the dockets are so clogged up with trival childs complaints ~ Jimmy Crickets people go see Judge Judy, make her day!!!! :smile.

Anyways, as everyone can tell I'm in a real positive mood today :biggrin. Well actually I was in a very good mood until the hell of summer took ahold and ruined my day!!! Thanks for reading me vent and I'll try and find something positive to post about in a bit :smile. On a happier note, my dogs aren't very pleased with the kids today either :smile.

I CAN HANDLE ANY PROBLEM ~ I HAVE KIDS

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Especially for women, yeah men I hear you screaming, PMS PMS PMS...........I've got your PMS :angry. I'm not even going into those type emotions.......I'll stick firm to a blog I recently read they can sum it up better than I...........go check it out.............you won't be disappointed!!!

Now to what my post is about...........emotions.........

According to the dictonary this defines "emotions" ~ "A feeling of joy, grief, fear, hate, love, awe, etc..........."

Hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm WOW!!!!!!!!!!! Please note it does not define between man/woman ~ woman/woman ~ man/man ~ it defines "emotion" any emotion felt towards any live living breathing human being!!!! Adult, child, spouse, or a child who has the age of an adult who has yet learned the meaning of "growing up".

Okay, let me further explain, grab a :cocktail at the bar, it may take awhile for this blonde to get to a point :smile. Anyhoot, have you ever been in any type of relationship where emotions were vested? That ultimately in the end, you regreted ever trusting.......questioned your ability to trust other's........and then find out after severing ties emotions are still running rampant on the other side? To the point, that regardless of consequences, they still want you!!!

Can anyone hear me scream not only GROW UP more importantly GO THE FUCK AWAY!!!!! Let it go baby it ain't happening!!!!!

What I've learned as an adult through the hard knocks of lives lessons ~ emotions can be your friend and yet emotions can be your enemy. More importantly what I've learned is those that are like the sea creatures ~ crawfish/catfish you know the one's ~ that eat the left over's of the nasty parts and think they are the king/queen of the ocean! Personally, I don't even eat those type fish even in enjoyment so I don't even care to associate myself with them in real life if I knew first hand. Unfortunatelly, I've made some bad choices in my life and have met up with those that are these lower lifes and have regretted it for the rest of my life.

When pushed I can be one's worse enemy, when warned I can agree as an adult to agree to go away and expect the same in return. So can anyone tell me why one's past becomes such great issue with other's to the point they feel the need to seek one out???????????? This baffles me, last time I checked I'm booking my 20th High School Reunion...........these high school tatics / emotions do nothing for me except annoy. Kind of like a fly or a misquote who ultimately in the ends winds up getting squashed like the annoying bug that they are. *shrugs*.........

When will emotions allow people to grow up? When will emotions if in one's life is so great stops them from lashing out to cause pain in other's lives? When will emotions by one's own choice learn to move on and enhance their life instead of trying to convinve other's of their wonderful "glass house world" but yet strick out in anger and accuse other's of their misfortune's in life?

This baffles me ~ suprises me ~ yet has also taught me many of lessons.............emotions are just as the dictonary states, the difference is, how people choose to react to the emotions in question. Adults can only wish, if it is adults in question, they'd act like adults, but unfortuantelly, as I've stated in a previous post, adults think they are still children and act it out accordingly.......sad but true..........and we the general public have to pay for these stupid actions under the guidelines of emotions.

DID YOU TAKE A CLASS ON HOW TO PISS ME OFF?

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On My Soap Box ~

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In reading the news, I've been following this news line for several reasons ~ the main reason SHOCK!!!

Then this morning I read the above article and I have to shake my head and say WHAT ARE THESE PARENTS THINKING? Do we now live in a society that our children should not be held accountable for their actions? These parents believe, or at least their actions state that they beileve, that their children didn't do anything wrong. No wonder kids today think that killing, attacking or mistreating in any manner another human being is okay.

The kids in question are old enough to know better ~ they SHOULD know the difference between right and wrong and they damn well should know if they do something as sever as these actions that there are consequences!!!

I personally believe not only should they be expelled but not allowed to graduate with the rest of the Senior class. If being expelled means they wind up flunking the twelth grade then so be it!!! And any parent with the best interest of the well being of their children as adults SHOULD DEMAND that be the course of action!!!!

Many may say: If it was your child in question you'd feel different! If you are reading this and think that here is a news flash YOU'D BE WRONG!!!! I'm a firm believer that the punishment should fit the crime ~ throwing feces, mud, garabage and beating these other females, that for five of them sever enough beatings that they had to be hospitalized, and THEN video taping it!!! Not only do I believe that they should be expelled, they should not be allowed the honor of walking down the graduation walk, they should not be allowed to participate in ANY of the graduation events and I TRUELY believe that they should undergo some form of therapy. As well as the parents that think it was wrong but should be overlooked. :errrr

Something is dead wrong with kids of this age, any age for that matter, thinking abusing other human beings and what makes the matter worse is the parents think or state with their law suits ~ kids will be kids. :wtf


Q14's teacher and I talked yesterday to finalize the punishment he is obtaining for his actions and she was telling me about what she was dealing with ~ the same actions that Q14 got in such big trouble about so did 45 of her other students. She informed me that I was the only parent who felt that he should take sole responsiblity for his actions and punished him accordingly. She was shocked that only ONE of her students even learned a lesson from this sever action.

What is wrong with parents today that they think shouldn't discipline ~ teach responsiblity ~ at least TRY and raise responsible individuals to become responsible adults and stop blaming everything that goes wrong in their lives, their children's lives on someone else? As you can tell this is a HUGE pet peave with me and more importantly it is appaling to see that responsiblity for your actions is a thing of the past. Morals have disappear if only the moral you teach is to respect others!!! Respect HA ~ yeah they are teaching respect aren't they :hum?

This is really sad!!!! Okay I"m off the soap box now ~ What do you think about all this? I'll be interested to see other's thoughts on this issue.

MIRROR MIRROR ON THE WALL ~ I'M LIKE MY MOTHER AFTER ALL

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Can Anyone Hear Me Scream

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OUCH!!!! I'm reading up on my Irresistable News figuring that I have bored everyone enough of my complaints as Domestic Goddess role in life :smile ~ see ain't I thoughtful :lol

I ran across this article thinking surely this is an Equire type moment. HA!!! I read it then immediately considered becoming a nun on the "off chance" ~ but then figured I lost out on my chance on the whole nun issue.

I'm a firm believer nothing that large needs to enter that area, or any other area for that matter, and depart that large from my body!!! Can anyone imagine the amount of stretch marks that poor lady now has.....

ALL WORK AND NO PAY MAKES A HOUSEWIFE

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I Tried ~

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To post something news worthy, but haven't found anything really to post and talk about that wasn't war related. So therefore I guess I need to give an update about my battle with the school district.

With NO help from the school or the District, I had to branch out on my own to find out "EXACTLY" what this program they were planning on showing my son and force my approval on ~ gggrrrrr.

I talked with the counselor at the school in detail to find out "EXACTLY" what the school knew or didn't know. According to her, or at least she didn't know, anything other than what the 3:20 A.M. phone call. She told me I brought up some very valid points that needed to be addressed and that if she had any information of the program going to be shown with to the kids she'd make me copies to pick up, but they had no idea, to what degree or lack there of degree, was being offered to the kids. WTF?

She did however in passing make the mistake of giving me the name of the company :smile. Yes, I was taking notes the whole time I was bitching :smile. I gave the school and the district a dead line to return phone calls and then I was out there on my own to find out this information. I was willing to go as far as I needed to go to stop this if that was the case that was needed.

Since no one felt the need to return my phone call I first started on a search for the company I was told that would be offering this information to our children. That was my first call ~ which turned out to be a very educated call and put my fears and thoughts to rest. The company's name is Aim For Success. They according to their web page are offering a very GOOD package to teach children about sex and the consequences. When I informed them the way the school was handling the parents and thier concerns they were very upset about it and stated that they WOULD be calling the school and the district and discussing this with them. They also informed me that parents WERE ALLOWED to come and watch how the children reacted towards this type of presentation, as a matter of fact, they encouraged it. Yet, the school informed me I'd be police escorated off the campus if I showed up and tried to watch the interaction. *Yes imagine the response they got from me on that issue, basically boiled down to I DARE YOU*.

Well after talking to the company, them sending me information, reading their website etc, I'm very comfortable with this issue and encourage it. Yet, the funny part of the story begins here.......remember the no attempt to return calls from the school or the district............:lol

Well about an hour after I hung up with the company my phone began to ring, the first call came from the District........informing me that they had recieved my message, as well as, a call from the company finding out that the school is not handling dealing with the parents appropriately and that it will be handled immendiately....we exchanged a tense but informative conversation and stated our good byes. Thirty minutes later the school called, all chipper, helpful and the like....*rolling eyes*.....Yet, I still gave them more information that they themselves ever knew about what they are offering to our children.

Now to address those that think I'm against sex education in schools......that is true, but not completely, I think to some degree sex education should be address in schools, but I don't think it should be brought in by the back door behind parents back and not giving them a time and place to state their concerns/protest/or stamp of approval. This school handled this issue as a sneak issue through the back door and that pisses me off......

The school is there to educate my child in math/english/science/history however it is my job as a parent to inform my child about sex in my own way to accomidate his/her maturity level and the like, not the states place. And just as women don't appreciate the state telling them what they can do with their own bodies, I don't appreciate the state telling me what I'm suppose to deal with or not deal with when it comes to my children and sex education falls into that issue.

Do I believe that sex education is the only way that most children will ever learn about the birds and the bees well hello YES ~ but I'm not dead set against sex education in the schools, however, I think it is the parents that should choose which form/how it is presented to the children and the like. Not the schools picking it out, planning it, obtain funding for it, then the night before they are going to place our children in that type of setting THEN inform the parents.......I DON'T think so!!!!

Anyhoot, that is about as informative as I am today :smile.

If you are interested in taking a lookie see at the web site of this particular company it is here.

Hope everyone has a good weekend and stays safe!!!

GOD NEVER GIVES ANYONE MORE THAN THEY CAN HANDLE, BUT SOMETIMES I WISH HE DIDN'T TRUST ME SO MUCH

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3:20 a.m. my phone rings not long after me hanging up with an over seas conversation with Ms. Phil aka Sylvia........she and I are talking on msn because Steve is having a stroke about the phone bill.............when this phone call comes in.....

Here is the phone call.....mind you at 3:20 A.M. IN THE MORNING.......

NOTE AHEAD OF TIME MY LACK OF SPELLING THAT IS HOW PISSED I AM ON A GOOD DAY!!!!!!

This is *school*, calling on behalf of the *principle*, as a curtiousy call about sex education. We are having a "parent's only meeting *on this date/this time" for questions and review of what we are going to be discussing with your children about sex".

OKAY WTF?????????????????????????????

Sex Education is important to children, I agree, but since WHEN do the SCHOOLS and THEIR VALUES, RELIGIOUS BELIEFS AND MORALS / OR LACK THERE OF have the right to tell my children who, where, excatly to what extend etc etc of having sex?????????

Last time I checked, the schools and all their so called "morals" weren't in the delivery room, much less in conception...........and if I concieved at 3:20 AM in the morning it wasn't from a damn phone call, automated phone call at that, to cover one's ass!!!!!!!

Well of course, being the kind, considerate individual I am..........I called the school and left an equally kind and considerate message on their answering machine DEMANDING NO LESS than the PRINCIPAL him/her self call me back at my number ASAP!!!!!

My children are EXACTLY THAT!!!!!! When I concieved them, it wasn't under a law, it wasn't under distress, it wasn't under anyone's morals, they were concieved out of love BOTH my children............since when does the STATE/SCHOOLS/ ETC have the RIGHT to discuss these issues WITH MY CHILDREN? This message wasn't about you have an option, it stated on this date your child will be hearing an indepth conversation of sexual activity...........I DON"T THINK SO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BY WHOSE RULES??????????????????

OMG I'm PISSED!!!! Yeah I know Suz you are reading this right now and saying to yourself, "they so don't know who they are messing with, I remember when....." :lol......you are so right...they don't but they will learn.........even if it means me keeping my child out of school that day and THEY WILL EXCUSE HIS ABSENCE!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm not a mother who buries her head in the sand, I talk openly with my children of both ages of sex, drugs, alcholo, cig's, internet and the like.....I'm very open with my kids about MY mistakes.........I don't judge them for what they choose, but I'm lucky, thus far, my kids are much more mature that I ever was at their age.............I don't need the STATE or the SCHOOLS to teach my children.....I do a damn good job on my own!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry had to rant and at this hour NO ONE IS UP!!!! GGGGGRRRRRRRRRRR

I Finally Have A Post...

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Well when I first started typing this it was to be about a movie I watched.....give you something to think about and respond too, however, something else caught my attention in my "responses" to my blog that has raised a question.....

Has anyone ever had a comment made by an "anonymous" person. Meaning, email is fake, ip is through hoops and bounds to track, no record other than something negitave towards you as a person or raising an eyebrow to "who is this person"????

Well, I get plenty of those, but they tend to go further back into my archives before they make a post so that I'm the only one, unless you are looking, to read and receive the email....

Question.....WTF is up with that??? Why do people feel the need to hide under false emails, ip's, names and the like, if you don't like what I have to say or not say here is a clue........DON'T COME FUCKIN" READ ME.......and if you are here to read to find out issues about your life or the like, well I'm glad to say, you are sadly disappointed....I do not post private issues they are none of your damn business....

This sticks in my crawl, maybe because, I refuse to hide behind anything or anyone false or likewise...if I have something to say I say it, do you have agree ummm NO.....but it is my right to say what I have to say how I choose to say it.....

I'm not one who post private issues in my life, on occassion I have, however, for the most part, I don't......and I don't appreciate anyone hiding to post to my blog.....say what you have to say, post your name and email address and be proud of it.......if you can't then don't bother posting or commenting, because if it is false I WILL track you down. You may not hear from me, but you will be notified if you continually present yourself in a bad light on this blog in comments!!!

For those that read my blog regularly and comment as whom they are in real life, please dismiss this post, and I apologize for this rant, it was not my intention when I first started blogging, but "pigglywiggly" I've got your number honey/mister and if you continually keep this up, I will stop it from THIS particular blog!!! What I have to say or not to say "piggly" is not for you to say now is it???? And until you can come out in your true form then you will with all internet powers to me and my friends be banded from commenting........God willing....

IF YOU CAN'T BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF ABOUT WHO YOU ARE, THEN SPARE US ALL FROM YOU HIDING FROM YOURSELF AND KEEP YOUR COMMENTS TO YOURSELF

After wandering through some of my regular reads, and for the record, glad to see you back posting again "T" and "L", as well as, a heated conversation "T" and I had on the phone today. Damn woman we seem to be having a great deal of those lately......:lol.......I decided I'd pose this question for everyone....

Do you think that Church and State should be seperated? And if so, then explain to me why "Pro-Lifer's" can wind up before a Supreme Court trying to make abortion illegal under the guidelines of "religion"? And if Church and State are really "seperate" why can't same sex marriages be recognized except in the state of Vermont?

Drugs are a completely different elimatent *however you spell it*, as drugs, regardless the drug, and more now than ever alcohol being in that mixture of "drug", as it is associated with violate crimes, rape, murder, gangs, etc etc etc.......

I'm by rights a very reigious person, I believe in God and his power, and I'm a God fearing woman, however, "I" believe many people take it over board. "T" can vouch for the fact, I'm not a bible thumper, for crying out loud, I do good to not take a drink when my parents *which for the record my daddy is a preacher* come to town, however NEVER in front of them. They could search my house high and low and NEVER find a lick of alcohol in this house, I'm very good at hiding things :smile many years of practice I guess. Why don't I drink in front of my parents as an adult? RESPECT plain and simple RESPECT........enough said..........

Now I want to hear rants, views and the like about the seperation of Church and State and if you really feel that America seperates the two FOR ALL CAUSES or just "SELECT" one's?

MY INNER CHILD IS A SASSY LITTLE BITCH TOO

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Well Hello All...This Is Lengthy!!!

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Really don't have much to share but since I wrote something tonight for a list I'm on ~ I figured I'd share.....

I have to write a monthly column for a newsletter I'm on, God knows why people think my non spelling ass should write, but it was requested, I agreed, and walaha I'm there!!! :lol

What I'm about to share in what I wrote, I already know, I'm going to get rather it be comments, private emails, or just "she doesn't know what she speaks of" with no comments, it will stir up some anger, agreement, and here lately MAJOR DIS agreement. For better or worse, this is what I wrote and how I feel........Hope everyone is doing well ~ things here in our household are busy busy busy tiz why we have not been around. I'm just checking in because the "birthday girl" as of this hour is still wide awake.......does the bitch ever sleep??? If so when because I'm missing it and so is Speed.....:lol

March The Month Of Leprechaun’s And Birthdays And Post That Take A Mind Of Their Own!

And then there is my post for the newsletter, late, considering those that know my timetable in life will find that hard to believe Smile. Believe it or not I gave this months issue a great deal of time and thought. Many times I’ve written my issue only to ditch it because well it didn’t seem to flow, come together, or make a statement for any issue much less women’s issues.

Maybe I felt this way because of so many issues going on in my own life, or issues going on in the people who mean so much to me or just plain and simple the issues that are surrounding our world and the uncertainty of where it is all going and how it will all end. Regardless, I ditched my last given effort titled the “Irish Green Beer Drunk Fest” with links ~ yes I’m Irish so I wanted to post something fun and full of entertainment ~ and just began writing one night. It appears my contribution to the newsletter has managed to take a life of it’s own so sit back grab a cocktail and well I hope I express it correctly in how I feel.

Being a “song” person, meaning, anything that happens in my life I have no doubt there is a song out there that can describe it in detail, so therefore, I’ll be taking lyrics from songs to incorporate them into this novel aka contribution.

Coming off Valentine’s Day and our world in such turmoil as we know it ~ so many spouses away from us, children in chaos, the first song that leaps to mind to me would be sung by Martina McBride, “My Valentine”. I know of at least one reading this can relate to the song and if you don’t know it I’ll just hit the highlight…. “If there were no words, no way to speak, I would still hear you, if there were no tears, no way to feel inside I’d still feel for you. And even if the sun refused to shine, even if romance ran out of rhyme, you would still have my heart until the end of time. You’re all I need, my love, My Valentine”. Yet today, heading into the month of March, those words don’t just revolve around Valentine’s Day do they? At least for me they don’t, never have. I feel that way daily for my husband rather I choose to show it to him or not, which usually leans more on the “not” side, but that is how I feel about him.

Then I think of that song and put myself in so many other people’s shoes, be it a parent, spouse, or child even, with their “Valentine” off in uncertain lands that hate American’s. How can they not feel these words and how can we as by standers not respect what they are going through not to mention those who are protecting us.

Yet, the group “Lonestar” when I’ve seen my friends off to such uncertainties, hear of my friends hearts breaking because their spouse has papers to deploy, see their children balling as one of there parents will not be there in the day to day chaos of life. The song this group sings “I’m Already There” is so appropriate because think about it ~ what spouse, parent or child wouldn’t want to walk away making sure the people they love no matter where they are, know they are being missed that they leave letting them know, they are with us no matter what ~ don’t know the song? Once again ~ just a small taste of such powerful words ~ “When are you coming home, he said the first thing that came to his mind, I’m already there, take a look around, I’m the sunshine in your hair, I’m the shadow on the ground, I’m the whisper in the wind, I’m your imaginary friend and I know I’m in your prayers, oh I’m already there”.

Think about those lyrics a minute, ponder them, re-read them, then think if you’ve ever said anything to oppose what our troops are doing and in front of how many. I’ll let you ponder that thought before I move on with my point.

Then for the CD player to click to another CD and hear the voice of Elton John. Such powerful lyrics no matter what the song and a voice, yeah baby, he may be gay, but give just one night of him singing to me and well……never mind getting side tracked. He gives more lyrics to incorporate into our life today ~ first one from him I’ll state “that the twist of kaleidoscope moves us all in a turn” from the song “Can You Feel The Love”. A song I HIGHLY recommend to listen to closely. As so many of our worlds, feelings and views are just like that kaleidoscope turning us all around to where at the end of the day all we know, we have people we care about or people we don’t even know serving us, risking their lives so that we can sleep in peace. NEVER FORGET THAT no matter what your views!!! We aren’t free because we woke up that way, we are free and owe it to more people and unfortunately the government as well from their protection and God’s.

When I go home, home for me is North Carolina; the first place I want to hit is the beach. The beach is what centers me I guess, brings me off my pompous high horse I get on frequently and let’s me be “me”. Not a child to someone, nor a wife, or a mother, it let’s me be me. Elton John again expresses those feelings so well with the sound of the ocean, seagulls, waves; I can even smell the salty air when I hear the song “The One”. The ocean allows me to let reality run down my spine to fit all the pieces in my life that have been wandering aimlessly for some time. I listen to this song frequently in days of today, because I live in Texas, no decent beach to place my toes deep in the sand to let reality hit me of what is really before not only my country, but my future, what it is doing to my friends who are serving and their families and spouses but more importantly in a selfish nature my children’s future. I’m having to trust government officials decisions and people I know and even harder still getting past all those trust issues, people I don’t know, to protect me, my family, their family, America but again more importantly the CHILDREN. Then I hear the song that has brought me such strength, again by Elton, “Don’t Let The Sun Go Down On Me”. If one ever doubts how hard it is for me to trust, this song is all about trust and someone not able to do so.

Sacrifices have to be made to continue to live in such utter freedom as we have always known, we’ve not known any different, unless you’ve served in the military or are married to someone in the military. However, scarifies come with a high price tag. One person losing their life protecting me is a high price, but I can’t rip this government apart for sending him/her over there anymore than I could the person who died.

Saying all that to say just a tad bit more and end with full written lyrics that say more than I could ever say. No matter how frustrated you become with how our world is to date, always remember who you may be spouting off too might just be someone who is missing their spouse, child, best friend or significant other fighting for OUR freedom, not the governments, not just theirs but yours as well!! Am I saying that you should be silent if you disagree? Ummm, hello, NO, I’m just saying be considerate because you never know who is on the receiving end of your lashings.

As Toby Keith says, ~“OOOHHHHH YEAHHH BABY”, this man wouldn’t have to sing to me, just wink say I want you, and I’d gladly play hide the sausage with that hunk of love ~ in the “Angry American” We’ll always stand up and salute, we’ll always recognize when we see Old Glory flying there’s a lot of men dead so we can sleep in peace at night when we lay down our heads”…*note: never forget that* then he goes on further to state this ~ true words~ “justice will be served and the battle will rage, this big dog will fight when you rattle his cage, you’ll be sorry that you messed with the US of A, cause we’ll put a BOOT IN YOUR ASS ‘CAUSE IT’S THE AMERICAN WAY!!!

However, no matter your views on our world situation, no matter if you are for or against, before you start lecturing about how wrong all of this is, remember this post but Alan Jackson summed it all up the best with his song after 9/11.

Alan Jackson
Album : Drive
Track 13
“Where Were You”

Where were you when the world stopped turning on that September day? Out in the yard with your wife and children, or working on some stage in LA? Did you stand there in shock at the sight of that black smoke rising against that blue sky? Did you shout out in anger and fear for your neighbor or did you just sit down and cry?

Did you weep for the children that lost their dear loved one’s and pray for the one’s who don’t know? Did you rejoice for the people who walked from the rubble and sob for the ones left below? Did you burst out in pride for the Red White and Blue, and the hero’s that died just doing what they do? Did you look up to heaven for some kind of answer or look at yourself and what really matters?

I’m just a singer of simple songs, I’m not a real political man, I watch CNN but I’m not sure I can tell you the difference in Iraq and Iran. But I know Jesus and I talk to God and I remember this from when I was young, faith, hope and love are some good things he gave us and the greatest is love.

Where were you when the world stopped turning on that September day? Teaching a class full of innocent children or driving down some cold Interstate? Did you feel guilty ‘cause you’re a survivor and in a crowded room did you feel alone? Did you call up your mother and tell her you loved her? Did you dust off that bible at home?

Did you open your eyes hoped that it never happened and close your eyes and not go to sleep? Did you notice the sunset the first time in ages and speak to some stranger on the street? Did you lie down at night and think of tomorrow and go out and buy you a gun? Did you turn off that violent home movie you were watching and turn on I Love Lucy re-runs? Did you go to a church and hold hands with some stranger, stand in line and give your own blood? Did you just stay at home and cling tight to your family? Thank God you had somebody to love.

I’m just a singer of simple songs, I’m not a real political man, I watch CNN but I’m not sure I can tell you the difference in Iraq and Iran. But I know Jesus and I talk to God and I remember this from when I was young, faith, hope and love are some good things he gave us and the greatest is love.

Where were you when the world stopped turning on that September day?

No matter your views, stands or feelings, before speaking out to some stranger, stop think and “remember where you when the world stopped turning 9/11”. Yet, never doubt, America did NOT start this but we’ll damn sure finish it!!!! God Bless America, and to all that read this, God bless you and your families, stay safe, and happy, yet more importantly, my daily prayer God bless our troops!!!!

*I Collect Angels, My Husband Thinks I Started With Him*

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Yes, Dr. D, speedbump shares your views but usually with more of a force of language, debate and LOTS of grumbling!!!

My normal year of decoration as Buffy will agree with is I decorate for every holiday. I guess the reason I do that is because my parents didn't do a great deal of decorating EXCEPT for Christmas. So Christmas is huge around here!

The day after Thanksgiving, I want the lights hung on the house and bushes outside, since we do a live tree, unless we are planning a party, I'll wait until about the second week of December on that item. However, the house is fully decorated by the end of the weekend after Thanksgiving until we get the tree.

Every year, speedbump SWEARS, after this show, after this game or whatever he is laying on the couch watching he'll put up the lights, "I swear honey just let me be right now". Needless to say I have to get ugly, which I know hard to believe :smile, about this issue. This year, he kept putting it off until the coldest night of the year he was outside freezing his tushy off hanging lights. To say he was more than a little pissed at me well would be an understatement!!!!

On that note, New Years Day, I want it all down and out of sight as it has served its purpose until next year. So when I see other's with their stuff still out for me to view as I was forced to pour a cup of coffee ~ no need to say it I'll say it for you ~ damn bitch you're spoiled :smile. It is like Buffy and speedbump say, I'm anal about that type stuff. :lol

I'll also say this, some people may think that my response to Buffy is harsh and hers to me, if you think that please keep in mind she and I know one another VERY WELL that is us joking.....I know when I read it she is joking and she knows my response is joking.....if either of us disagreed on anything we'd not post it publicily we'd take it private ~ that is just how we are in our friendship. Just wanted to lay those issues to rest before any crept up!!

Who knows may after these topics, I've given speedbump something to discuss in his ultimate wisdom *note the huge sarcasm there* on his site :smile.

If At First You Don't Succeed Then Do It Like Your Mother First Told You

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Christmas Is Over RIGHT?

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This morning, okay this afternoon, I was stumbling into my kitchen and fixing me a cup of coffee, since speedbump didn't see the need to hand deliver it this am :angry. As I was pouring it I looked out my kitchen window and something caught my eye.

The neighbors across the street still have all their Christmas decorations up and displayed. Now, I don't know why I haven't noticed this before, maybe because I'm spoiled and my coffee is always brought to me, but I had to stand there for a moment and think, yeah this is mid - Feb. WTF?

Then I remembered they are the same neighbors when the "Drunken Christmas Elves" from speedbumps suprise birthday party a few years ago, went and stole their red and green lights ~ yes I have photo's and NO it wasn't me!!

When I said something to speedbump about it, his reply is, "Jamie you are just anal about things like that leave the poor people be". Humppffff MEN!!! If they don't want to hear me bitch about then wake up and realize Christmas has passed get with the program already!!!

Today is a lazy day for us all, we are finally catching up on some much needed rest, since speedbump figured we needed two stay up all nights in one week uughhh, I'm too old for this shit is all I have to say!! So after dinner last night I curled up in bed with two of the beastly babies to watch some TV the next thing I knew, one of them was waking me up at 8 am to go outside and go potty. So I got up let him out, laid down on the couch and right back to sleep. Speedbump woke me up who knows when and helped me back to the bed and I finally rose and shinned at 1:30 pm. Damn I must have been tired!!! So parent control has shifted to me as speedbump is snoring away on the bed for his nap. I'm sure much will get accomplished today :lol NOT!!

Did You Take Classes On How To Piss Me Off?

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Times To Reflect..

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I'm wide awake from drifting in and out all weekend from one's concious mind. Yet, now I'm fully concious of my surroundings, yet more importantly, blessings. Enjoy this "mushy" post while you can trust me it is rare.....

I listen to my hubby behind me, for once not snoring, and I think he is finally resting peacefully the first time in nights, he isn't snoring and OMG I'm wide awake I'm a fool!!!!

I had to let my dogs out of the prospective beds they took "territory" of in my childrens rooms. My little Ms. Prissy......who now has what mama had all weekend, suffering miserable, sound asleep finally, uncovered. I open her door let one of the furry beast out and she wakes up, I walk inside her room to lay her back down in bed, cover her up and in her sleepiest of tones whispers "Mama, have I told you how much I love you Mama, love muffin".....I whisper back in her ear, yes baby all the time yet not enough and mama loves you too my love muffin.....

I open my oldest son's door to let another of the two furry beast out.....he is trying to sleep but wide awake.....he whispers....."mama, I love you and am so proud you are my mama"..........

I let all four furry beast out of my house and reflect......how lucky am I. I finally have found a husband, *note for the record hubby: enjoy this post WHILE YOU CAN, you speedbump*, who took on more than most men would take on, adopted, calls his own, and also accepts ex inlaws, and biological ties into his home. Loves him, would lay down his life for him just as he would his own flesh and blood daughter.

For me, he is very protective, never stands up for me publicily unless I refuse too, and will never falter to correct me if I'm wrong, publicily or privately. Causes for many "issues" in our household because hey lets face it I'm always right.

Outside of my good fortune of finding such a wonderful husband and so many wonderful friends, my best fortune lies within my children. I sometimes forget what a blessing they have been in my life and continue to be in my life. The unconditional love those two give me swells my heart up with so much pride sometimes it is hard to breath. However the temper they cause in me on a good day, I have a lot of breath and freely express it.

But it is those "butterfly" kisses in the night, the deep sighs, the whispers of "I love you"..........man those KILL ME......

I'm a very "tightly wound" emotional person, I'll be the first to tell you, not much affects me, just ask "speedbump", but my kids and my parents, and on more occassions than I'll give him credit even "speedbump" touch my heart to the core of my being.

Over the last few months, I've had a lot of time to think, reflect, and evaluate. In that time, I've found my "TRUE FRIENDS" and found out that most of them are my family, "MY TRUE LOVES" again my family, but more importantly I finally found MYSELF. That alone is what I'm most proud of except for the fact, in finding the true loves and true friends, they will no longer be taken for granted for as they have been in the past.

Hubby is rolling around saying he misses me....aaaawwwwwww ain't that sweet.....ummm the answer is still NO........

tomorrow is yet another day..........

Deep Breath!!!!

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Sit back grab a :cocktail on the house or stop reading now....either way I care not....but some things have to be addressed.

I am who I am ~ I make no excuses or allowances about my personailty, nor will I allow anyone make me feel I have to apologize for who I am. I'm a very complicated person, I've always known that, my poor husband knows that better than anyone, but the two people who know it best are my parents. I have many friends who's insight I rely on to point out things that those who are so close to me are not afraid to point out or choose not to point out, and then I have some friends or as my daddy calls them "fair weather friends" whom are all to eager to point out my discrepancies *however you spell it* in life. Yet note some of my best friends have no problem telling me I'm wrong and they are usually right..and I do listen.

No longer will I complain about others comments about me or their view points of me, my family, or my character. I have been held captive in the hell of what people have thought about me most my life, and as much as I have gained control of my life, I have allowed people online to do that I no longer allow people in REAL life to do to me.

It appears that I have swaped worlds, as far as verbal abuise is concerned. I don't know why I allow it, maybe because I hear, , or I hear, evaluate and inturpe in myself "you are a better person than them and TRY to ignore it", or that I just ignore it in hopes it goes away. Actually, it dosn't matter the reason I've allowed it to affect me and I no longer will allow it to affect me personally, privately, or any other mannerism *however you spell it*.

There comes a time in everyone's life where indifference is one's best weapon. Indifference meaning ~ screw the world you are who you are ~ accept your faults, your strong suits and more importantly EMBRACE those who see your faults and love you beside the fact.

I'm now taking on that embrace.........if I become the devils worse spawn even seperated from the devil in one's blog.........*shrugs* so be it.......life at least my life will move on....

I lived with much anger in my life for years after my divorce, you would have thought I would have learned from that to accept people for what they are instead of taking personal their opinions to which in at the end of the day "don't matter". Yet, I did in some areas, but in other's I didn't. Now I'm learning, slowly, but learning..........and what I've learned.......I'm tired of being the whipping block.....some one's bitch mode to the worse of degrees publicly......my life is exactly that MY life......I make no excuses or allowances....it is MY life. And for someone to begin chipping away at what has taken me years to build up in trust towards others, if "I" allow it I have no one but myself to blame and I NO longer will allow it.......

Will some things if gotten back to me affect me? I'm human OF COURSE THEY WILL, but I have enough faith in myself, my friends and my family, that I'll weather through that storm and in the end "I'll" be stronger, my friendships will be strong, and my family will be stronger without those people who live in glass houses surrounding us.......

Have I ever told a lie? HELL YES!!! Have I ever told a lie that was hurtful and vengeful HELL YES!!! AM I RIGHT? HELL NO.....will I apologize NO MORE!!!!

Call me Sybil, call me a bitch, just plain dislike me or like me.........I no longer care, those who KNOW ME not only like me but love me and my family. I have many different personas *again however you spell it*..........my online life is not what I'm about, it is just a small portion of my life, a form of entertainment as well as relief from things that may be going on in my life.

My personal life is EXACTLY THAT.......MY personal life........I don't share my financial situations with anyone, my sexual or lack of sexual preferences with anyone, except in fun, and I surely will no longer make excuses for issues that happen in real life that trickle onto the net.

I am who I am and I no longer will allow anyone else to hold me captive for my positive points, my faults, or anything else. I NOW take control of my life. From here on out, issues of this nature will NO longer be allowed for discussion on my blog nor will I allow comments on this post.

I'm taking a hard core look into my life, my family, and my friendships, I'm standing up for myself, and it has been a hard long road for me, but I'm learning to trust people again. The people I trust are the core of me because that is something I do not freely give and they know it.......they do not always agree with me, true friends never do agree on everything, nor family for that matter, but the love and RESPECT is always there. I'm now DEMANDING respect and in turn I'll freely return the respect if actions call for it.

I've apologized to people for actions I don't feel I was completely wrong in, I"ve beaten myself up about it as I've allowed them to beat me up about it and I NO LONGER WILL BE SOMEONE'S whipping board so they feel better about themselves.

I OWN my own feelings, thoughts, religion, family and friends. Okay I don't OWN my family and friends, but surely you understand the concept. I do however OWN how I'll allow them to make me feel from now on and from now on I stand in my own space ~ speak my own mind ~ and protect what I feel needs to be protected and right now I need to protect me!!!

AGAIN I'll state, no comments are allowed on this post so don't even try......thank you for listening to me vent.........enjoy the rest of my post from here on out....

I got this from ONE of my dear friends tonight......this pretty much sums it all up in a nut shell....

He Held You

You are the nucleus and the fire in His eyes from the beginning of time,

So much so that He decided to speak your existence from the power of His lips, as He exhaled you gently into your mother’s womb.

He watched out for you,

So much so that He charged a legion of angles to guard your rest against the midnight storm that come to so often to vibrate the four towers of your bedroom wall.

He raised you,

Raised you like no one else, for He protected your identity from being tainted and bruised, too late I say, for He has already opened His mouth, and said “It is finished” for behold He looked upon you and said, “It is good”,

So much so that every now and then He requests that you and He be alone,

And though to you, you may misunderstand, and think it strange to find that around you though populated with people,

Yet you are affixed with Him,

like an eagle that solemnly soars in the sky, at times you may stand-alone.

Your life is a mere exhale of His breath from the dawn of time.

To Him you stand with your identity sure, a son, a daughter of the most High God.

Marvelous in His eyes.

Written by: Savaslas Lofton

WHAT WAS I THINKING!!!!

| | Comments (3)

I soooooooo want a cigarette right now I can't see straight!!!!! I'm cranky, I'm highly violatial, I'm in a craving mode and I'm doing my best NOT to give in!!!! But ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I want one so badly and of course my children are pushing me to my limits of sanity, my husband is still at work, and my dogs are just bugging me to death!!!! I just called hubby told him GET HOME NOW ~ I'm sure he'll rush to my demand :rofl now that is comical I must admit!!!

All I have to say is WHAT WAS I THINKING ABOUT GIVING UP SMOKING???? Someone help me here please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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