I really hate when something happens that reminds me that I’m human (yes folks, it’s true, seriously!
A week and a half ago we got a new system at work and now we are finally computerized! And guess who got to set it up…yep, yours truly ;-)
Now don’t get me wrong, I love this stuff… hooking up hardware, customizing the software we are using, getting our phone system to interface with both…oh yea, second only to sex in my book *S*
There is only one problem with this…
The people I work with, with the exception of being able to log onto the Internet, are clueless when it comes to computers it seems.
This week we have been running the new system side by side with the old one, so we can get familiar with the new one and make sure everything is matching up the way it’s supposed to…
Everyday this week I have gotten calls…
T, I’m not balancing.
T, we accidentally deleted so and so out…how do I fix that?
T, how do I fix this problem, its not coming out right?
And so on…
Now I would like to think I work with people that have a reasonable level of intelligence…however I AM beginning to wonder! This week alone they have managed to delete out 2 guests that shouldn’t have been, totally mess up the A/R system, and call me every dang day (yes, even my ‘days off’) with some new and inventive problem…
And I fixed them all…every last one of them…
Don’t get me wrong, its nice to feel needed, would be even nicer if that ‘need’ was reflected on my paycheck though…but once again I’m managing to get off the topic I had intended to post about…which is actually related to this, but I still didn’t mean to ramble on like that :-)
Yesterday, something happened that I usually call ‘hitting the wall’. I get to a point I’m so totally exhausted that I can no longer function…I hate when that happens.
Normally when I’m asleep the phone will wake me up, I have kids in school, I “need” that to wake me, due to if something goes wrong they need to be able to contact me.
Yesterday I came home and died I actually got 6 phone calls while I was sleeping and did not hear or answer one of them (unfortunately the one from work didn’t come until after I was awake)
I hate when this feeling comes, I am exhausted, I can’t focus, I feel totally outside of myself…and I don’t know how to fix it…I’m depressed, can cry at the drop of a hat, and wish everyone on the face of the earth would just drop off because I really don’t feel like dealing with them.
This hasn’t hit me in a long time, but honestly I feel I should have seen it coming.
The uncertainty of what’s going on in my own life right now, not knowing what the future is going to be, the frustration over being stuck in this holding pattern, couple that with lack of sleep, rushing to get things that I need to get done and really not having time to do them…which turns into a vicious cycle cause then I sacrifice sleep to get them done…and feeling that everything in my life right now is in the hands of someone else and not knowing what the hell they’re doing with it…something’s got to give.
Until then, anyone got a jackhammer?
September 2002 Archives
I came across an article some time ago in an on-line newspaper, and now I'm really glad I saved it because I noticed they don't seem to have any archives. the entire article is in the additional entry for those who want to read it. However there is one part of it that really struck a nerve with me and thats what I want to talk about today.
"Heterosexual couples are not automatically good parents."
now please keep in mind this is all about me *s*
one of the things he (the ex) has stated to me in the past regarding why he thinks he will walk away with my kids is this..and I'm quoting him here..
"at least I'm straight"
to which my immediate thought was, 'yea..your point here?'
which I think was..and mind you this is only my opinion..because he is a straight, white, male, and we have 3 boys, that automatically makes him the better parent..
and for no other reason than that..
so now..get this..all the years I spent raising them, taking care of them, hell not to mention giving birth to them..don't count for a thing..
because I'm "not straight" (his words)
oh yea..there's logic there...
that must be why no gay couples are allowed to adopt children..
oh wait a minute, thats not true...
that must be why in almost every case I've found the gay parent loses custody of their kids...
oh wait, thats not true either...
OK folks, help me out here, surely there must be some reason his being 'straight' makes him a better parent..right?
would love to hear your thoughts on this one *s*
I was told yesterday and I quote "everyone has a problem with you (insert my name here)"
to which I responded "well, I haven't found that to be the case"
which is true, naturally we have to consider that the source of this comment was my ex, who I'm certain does have a problem with me, as do most of his family (note I said most, not all)
you see this conversation came about when the kids got back from working with him and they called so I could talk to them. I reminded him that I had the boys back packs at my house still as they did not take them back to his place after i picked them up from school, I asked did he want me to drop them off now or wait and take them to school in the morning after I got off work, he said "if you want to pick them up in the morning that would be fine, but daddy's here" (his dad)
I said, I know, I don't have a problem with him, does he have a problem with me?
to which I heard that reply...
"EVERYONE has a problem with you"...
Well now...is that so?...
Let's look at a few things shall we?
when he and I were married I was considered a 'daughter' by his daddy, and yes the man had issues with it when we divorced but never seemed to have any 'problems' until I grew a backbone and his son started slandering my name to everyone in his family. same goes for his brother and everyone else he is related to.
everyone would also include my family now wouldn't it? I suppose thats the reason they are behind me 100% in this whole matter? They did have a 'problem' at one point...with him..taking off in the middle of the night with their grandkids!!
My friends would also have a 'problem' with me, correct? (and I'm including on and offline ones here) again, I think the 'problem' happened when my EX decided to get a wild hair up his drunk ass and call some of them in the middle of the night and threaten them...I know for a fact the MAJOR problem one of them had was was this; you were drunk, called her several times making threats, were offering to 'meet' her husband 1/2 way for a fight WITH THE KIDS
yes..thats right, driving while drunk on your way to meet someone you don't know from Adam to 'try' and kick his ass..(yea right, I've seen you fight before remember? not a pretty site)
But I'm getting off topic here...
I mean after all,
the 'problems' are with ME...
right?
I was going to write the other day about another court case...I've also been going to write about various things going on at work (sometimes you wouldn't believe the people that come in on 3rd shift in a motel) but my heart is really not in either one of those posts.
I was looking for something to describe what I had witnessed last week, and instead I came across this
this person, whoever they are, is writing about my past..whether they know it or not!
there would be times i dearly wished he would just hit me, then i would have had a tangible thing, something i could show them and say 'this is what he's doing' but he didn't, all the marks he left are inside.
and now he's trying to do it to my kids.
so how do i know this you might ask...well for one i saw it, and called him on it....he had no idea what i was talking about.
the boys wanted to come over to my house, i was there and said 'OK, go get your shoes on'
he acted like he was totally pissed off and then proceeded to say that he would not be home for a while 'if they changed their minds' (first anyone had said about it) they were upset about this, and about the fact that they didn't know what they had done to 'make daddy mad'
so i asked him 'do you act like this every time they want to come to my house?' he said 'what, I'm not acting like anything, its not my fault they don't want to come over to your house' meaning its my fault.
so tell me, why do my kids cry when I drop them off? why do they say things like 'I guess I'll stay with daddy'? why do they get so upset if they think their dad is going somewhere without them (my oldest has said that "I know if brothers come over and I stay I'll get to do something fun")
they already know at such young ages, what will happen if things don't go his way...
it's easier to give in than live with him when hes upset, so you avoid upsetting him at all cost.
I learned that to, long ago....
I've put some questions for determining if you are emotionally abused in the extended entry, please keep in mind that I DID wise up and this man is no longer my partner! when i was married to him I could answer yes to every one of these questions...
that is NOT the case anymore, I have a wonderful partner now, one that I ask every day what I ever did to deserve to have someone treat me so wonderfully, and am thankful for whatever it was...
Some More Links for You
What is Emotional Abuse?
Emotional Abuse
the second one has questions for 'hetero' relationships, however I would think that this type of abuse knows no sexuality
there are also some additional links on that site that are very good, such as the Emotional abuse facts, Family Law, and Wearing her down.
How do I know? from Support Network for Battered Women
Swiped from Mandieleigh.com
What is your Alter-Ego
Personality?
ok, actual content coming again tomorrow, I promise.
