Recently in My Viewpoint Category

Well, for those interested, we are finally (mostly) moved into the new place.
It's nice, not quite as big as our last place, but we're making do with what we have.
:fdup
For those that were unaware I was moving, I'm sorry, shoot me...things have been a bit hectic lately :crazy

As some of you know, and yes, I'm going to post this out there for the world to see...I sent a letter of intent to exercise visitation to my ex.
Suddenly, the two younger ones, who went back and forth between wanting to come down and not being sure (depending on the day of the week, and mind you, this is what they said to me) suddenly were saying they didn't want to come, but could not give me a reason :crystal
Yea, I'm stupid :rofl
So apparently, the ex decides that the laws don't apply to him, and he's going to take me back to court so the boys don't have to come down. :asshole
Yes, I did say to him I thought it was very sad that he didn't think the kids spending time with their mother was important, or that them having a relationship with her was either.
He must be afraid I'll teach them how to like and RESPECT women :shrug...something he seems to have an issue with, as I can certainly attest to.
So, it looks like once again, it's up to the wisdom of the courts to decide if I can spend time with my kids or not...I just hope the judge isn't sucked in by him like so many others seem to be :walk_sad

See all who participated here

So, I found, signed up, and have been thinking ever since about the "Blogging for LGBT Families Day"...of course, now that it's here, I'm not really sure what I want to write about.
I could write about being a lesbian mom...but that is a bit to raw and painful right now.
You see, as most of you know, I'm the mom of 3 wonderful boys. The painful part, is that they still live in Oklahoma with their father.
I'm sure some people think I wanted it that way, that it was a decision that we made, etc....well, if you know me, you know nothing could be further from the truth.
The raw part, is that I'm supposed to get them for visits...you know the routine, I'm sure...well, they're saying they don't want to come now...although, 2 of them can't even tell me why...I'm not stupid, I know why. (and yes, it has a lot to do with the parent they live with!)

I could write about being a lesbian daughter...about the family I was raised in...but that would be a very short story.

So...I think I can write about a different type of family...the one you make yourself.
As a very dear friend said to me on my wedding day, when I was upset that only one member of my family was there (my uncle, who I still don't think realizes what it meant to me that he was there) told me "T, your family is right here" (she was right, in so many ways)

In some respects, that which I call my family is very unique. We have 4 people in our household, my wife, myself, our 'daughter' and her daughter.
I would challenge anyone to tell me that we are not a family...we laugh together, cry together, feel each others pain, help one another. Everything any other 'family' does that is recognized by our government.

However...My wife and I have to file 'single' on our income taxes...it would cost a small fortune for us to draw up the papers that give the other one the right to visit the other in the hospital, to make medical decisions, and over 1,049 other rights and benefits (federal, we're not even counting state here) rights that other 'families' take for granted.

Does this make me mad? oh hell yes! How dare the government try to legislate what I can and cannot do in the privacy of my own home, how dare they try to tell me that my family is not 'valid', that as far as they're concerned, I don't exist!
Last I checked, my tax dollars still payed their salary...I bet if I stopped paying those they'd sure say I exist! I'm not hurting anyone, I'm not breaking any laws, yet, I don't have the same rights and privileges as other Americans (and before you say 'yes you do, you could marry a man', been there, done that, no way in hell!!)

Well...I didn't mean for this to turn into a rant...but I can't help that it upsets me the way they treat our families...and I guess, when it comes down to it, that's what this is all about.

what are we going to do to stop these people?
A Marriage of convenience: Anti-gay issue, Florida GOP

all along...
and before anyone starts...I know Republicans are not the only ones afraid of gay marriages.
please read the following with an OPEN mind, or don't bother...

What are they afraid of?

The New Willy Horton
links will open in a new window
comments are welcome and encouraged

Washington Monthly
New York Times
From the AP Wire
Hughes for America

So, it seems to me from reading this...that our Goverment KNEW a hurricane was going to hit...AND had been asked for help by the local and state authorities...
yet, it still took them 4 days to do anything about it?? :wtf
FFS, Wal-Mart got their trucks in there yet, no one else could manage to get in there to help these people??

And it just astounds me, the lengths some people will go to defend this man. :shakehead
I'm just at a loss for words...maybe the rest of what I'm trying to say will come to me later.
if not...what she had to say is worth reading anyway

no, seriously...it's really not!

I had an interesting conversation yesterday...and it got me thinking (yes, it happens occasionally)
Who I was talking to really doesn't matter...but we were talking about my ex, and certain things he had done in his lifetime...and my being gay.
I made the point to that person, that my ex had NOTHING to do with me being gay, how that brought me to this post is another matter...but since I'm sure someone will eventually share this with him, I'm going to expound on it a bit...

I've been asked, (alot) and as recently as 3 weeks ago, "how do you do that? how are you married, have kids, and then decide you are gay?"
Let me make this as clear as I can...
***this is ME, personally, it does not apply to every person that came out of the closet after marriage and children, (and trust me, there are alot of us!!) nor do I mean it to speak for anyone else EXCEPT MYSELF!***

I did not 'decide' I was gay, I doubt anyone does!

did I always know I was gay? not at first, to be honest, with the way I was raised that wasn't a concept I understood until I was well into my teen years, and after I did understand the concept...how do I explain this? I knew several women that were gay, I was so drawn to them without really knowing why (yet) but...well, you know how when you're a very shy person, and someone you like comes around? and you tend to freeze up and are sure you're acting like an idiot? well, that's what I was like around these women. (even though I'm certain now they didn't even know I was there :lol)

So, I'm starting to come to these realizations...however...I was raised in the church...a church that doesn't 'believe' that you CAN be gay, and, of course, good girls are supposed to get married, and have babies, and all that good stuff...well, I wasn't exactly a 'good' girl when I was younger...I have seen worse though :wink
lets just say, in my efforts to suppress what I 'couldn't' possibly be...I made an effort to become the opposite...'sowed my wild oats' as it were...(probably why my dad thinks to this day I can't be gay because according to him i was to 'boy crazy' when I was younger...I'm still waiting for my damn emmy for that!)

so, moving forward a couple years...I meet my ex (blind date, don't ask) etc...
now...moving forward a few more years, I finally come to terms, with MYSELF, that yes, I am gay...or at least bisexual.
do I share this revelation with anyone? oh hell no!! I was married, had 3 kids, not to mention he would have killed me (no, it's not every straight male's fantasy)

So, do I leave him because of this? no
I did not leave him for another man, woman, or for any other reason than I could take no more emotional abuse, threats, rape, blackmail and I would have slit my own throat had I stayed there much longer.

would things have been different if he had been different? well, there's no way to know this, things happen the way they did for a reason (even though thats not always clear to me what it is at the time, or even now, years later) maybe if he had been different we could have had a rational disscussion like mature adults, instead of the threats of what he would do if I ever left him.

does he have anything to do with me being gay?
NO
not - one - thing
there's nothing he did or didn't do that has anything to do with me being gay...that might be hard for him to believe, but it's NOT about him!!! it's about me...maybe I should have dealt with it when I was younger, in retrospect, that probably would have been better for all parties involved...but I wouldn't be who I am today if that had happened, and my children would also not be here if that were the case, and I firmly believe THAT, above all else, is NOT a mistake! no matter what transpired, before, durring, or afterward, they are here for a purpose. (and I'm just as certain that it's not to fufill their fathers sick sense of justice against their mother)

so you see, sometimes, it's not you...it is me...really, it is!

first off...I'd like to go on record thanking everyone for their support...you know who you are, I know who you are, and I love each and every one of you :kisses

needless to say, I am very upset about the kids decision...yet at the same time, very excited about our upcoming ceremony :hum
make any sense to anyone else out there?
didn't think so...:shrug

its hard to explain for me too...I'll be going along, thinking about something we need to do...just did, etc...and WHAM! it suddenly hits me that my kids won't be here...and that so much of this was planned with them in mind, so that they would enjoy themselves too since they were SUPPOSED to be here.

It's hard to feel such joy, such love, and such peace...yet at the same time, be hurting so deeply inside, like a part of my heart has been ripped out and tossed aside.

anyway...didn't mean to get so grapic there, but I know how some people stress if my blog is blank for to long...hopefully soon I'll actually have something substantial to post!

This article is simply astounding!!
It simply says all the things so many of us would like to be able to express, but cannot find the words...he does...wonderfully I might add.
go.read.now!

In the midst of all the discussion, I received this comment...

"Just saw your "How dare you presume I'm heterosexual!" comment, and it made me wonder...and this is a serious question...does it ever piss you off to be lumped in with the whole "LGBT" category?
Posted by Old Comedywriter at May 20, 2005 10:58 PM"

I'm not really sure I understand the question here, why would it piss me off? I am part of the whole LGBT community.
Does it upset me that it seems to be the only way the media will show any of us, say at a pride parade or event seems to be the most 'flaming' of us all?
Does it irk me that very little of what people see of us have anything to do with what we're really like? that we have lives, families, loves, and are really not any different from the whole 'straight' community, except for the gender of the person we love?
Does it bother me that people seem to think our lives are all about promiscuity, and nothing about commitment and love, and they're doing their damndest to see that we are never able to be legally committed to each other?
Yes, that bothers me!
does being called a lesbian, damn lesbian, fucking carpet muncher, damn dyke, etc...bother me? nope, it certainly does not. (however, I am not a dyke, I am a femme, if you're not certain of the difference I'll elaborate, or someone here will I'm sure! :lol)
Does it bother me to be associated with the 'flamer's', absolutely not!! They, in their way, I believe, are working towards the same goal all of us are, and that is no more, and no less, rights than the straight community as a whole take for granted everyday.
hope this answers your question :sun_smiley