Rants: May 2005 Archives

It looks like a few things need to be clarified, and this is way to long to do it in a comment.

first off, I did not link you up, nor did I call you by name, it's called a 'trackback' they would have had to read YOUR post first, where this shit started, to even know it was there.

second off, the comment was made to you, not Kristi, about it being none of her buisness how often I call my kids, I stand by my friend in that comment, how often I call them is between them and I, not you, or anyone else tyvm

the only comment made to Kristi was about who is she, because no one had seen or heard from her in these parts for a very long time until you posted what you did.

thirdly, no one had said jack shit to me about you until YOU CALLED MY EX, you put yourself in the middle of that one, and knowing you, and how you talk on the phone for hours, gave me, and by association them, cause to be worried.

I have never known you to be a "yes" person, yes, I have hung up on you many times, it was either that or say something that would have caused a major fight, and every time I was at work and couldn't have really done that...but I think most people here have talked to me enough on the phone to know thats a crock of shit.

and the similarites between mine and Kristi's situation is this....neither of us really knew what was going on in it, except for what you had told us, and that comment I will stand by, I no more know what was going on in her situation than the man in the moon, other than you called me in a panic one night about it, and I made the comment on the blog that started that war...same thing pretty much applies here, she hasn't talked to me since...hmmm...well since that happened, so how can she know anything thats going on in my situation unless you have told her?

call me teflon if you will, hell, call me whatever the fuck you want, I'm simply stating my side...

and now, if you all will excuse this train wreck, I have to get to work

yes, I know I've been quiet lately, after working 95 hours last week it barely left time for sleep, much less posting. So you know something must really be bothering me for me to post, especially what I'm about to.

I've never really thought of myself as the type to get on her 'high horse', I've always thought of a very decent judge of character, and I've always thought myself to be loyal to a fault, even when I knew things weren't right, even when everyone around me told me differently, if you were my friend I would defend you to my dying day. period.
I've done some changing over the last year, I'll be the first to admit that. Perhaps not all for the better, definitely not all for the worst, I've been lax in some things, people I used to talk to on a daily basis I no longer talk to as regularly, and I've had more than one (hell, more than 10) tell me the reason why those people took such an issue with that fact is they were jealous, they had been used to having me pretty much to themselves for a time on a daily basis and got upset when they no longer did...and I'm sorry to say friendships changed over that. When it was always my opinion before that your true friends would understand such things...
when I first moved to FL, my phone was roaming, I was staying with friends and didn't feel comfortable having anyone call me there, not that they would have minded, but it wasn't my phone. when I got a job and my own place, the last thing I wanted to do was sit home, hell, I'd been forced to do that for years! I was working days, I couldn't stay up all night and talk anymore. I had bills I was trying to pay and kids I was trying to go see.
So, I did see my kids...and I met M, lost jobs, found new ones, changed them a few times, and now I'm in the situation I'm in now.
My friends also did the same, found jobs, had responsibilities, and for the most part, when I could have called (meaning, not being around someone and being considered rude for talking on the phone) they were still at work, or I was, so conflicting schedules were a factor.
Over 4 months ago, I called this someone I've called friend for years, someone who's stood by me through the rough times, and I thought she felt I had done the same, and I wanted to share the good news with her, to say her reaction was a major letdown would be putting it mildly, at least, that's what it felt like to me...no matter how much she swore that was not the case, that she was happy for me, You have a hard time changing that initial impression.
Then two months ago, or thereabouts, this same person takes up a relationship with my ex husband, "for the boys"... and I tried to believe this reasoning, defended her to friends that tried to say otherwise, and truly wanted to trust her, no matter how hard that was.
I have tried never to judge this person in her life, everyone believes differently and I try to respect that, even when they tell me how I need to 'be careful' around her children if I bring my partner to visit her family. There are a lot of things I don't agree with that go on in HER life, but I guess I don't feel as free to discuss them like she does.
No, I don't call my children every night, and I've tried to explain the reason to her. Even though I do truly believe the saying that used to grace the top of this blog "never explain, your friends don't need it, and your enemies won't believe you anyway"
but it hurts to talk to my kids, especially when they blow hot and cold on whether or not to come see me, due to what they've been told and who they've been around that day. it pains me because I don't see them every day, and I usually am in tears every time I talk to them, and that has been the case for the last year...
Do I love them any less? Do I think about them any less? Does my heart ache any less because of that, HELL NO!! there is not a moment in any day that goes by I don't think of them, I've cried more in this last year than I have in my entire life, and having someone remind me that my children are still there with HIM :shakehead, I don't need it, I'm very aware of it.

The last thing that bothers me, before I close this book, is the way you can talk about someone behind their back about what a horrible person they are, and how horrible someone is to another person, yet, 2 minutes later, they're your dear friend and best buddy again...
it really makes me wonder about things you say about your other 'friends' when they're not around